Life

Once again I've been away from blogsville for too long. I want to come up with a reasonable excuse but I honestly don't have one.
Last time I blogged I wrote about 'emotional strain' being my therapy. Question is, 'Did it work out for me?' I'm proud to say It did. My life isn't close to perfect but I must say that I'm happy. Even with the trials, the hurt and deceit I'm still happy.
I love life and all that it has to offer me...

:)

Therapy

Woah! I wish there was a perfect road in life sadly there isn't. I haven't been here in a while I didn't lose my ability to write I just lost my will to interact with people. I know that sounds strange but its the truth. The past two months has been filled with so many emotions. Honestly I've experienced more happiness than I have in a long time. I've cried, laughed, danced, sang, screamed, rolled on the floor, smiled till my face hurt like I said I've experienced so many emotions. At the end of all of this I just didn't want to be bothered. As I type this up I'm at that point of what my mom calls 'emotional strain'. No matter what kind of emotion it is, I've found out through my experience one can be 'too happy' or 'too sad'. These months have taught me that.

I've always loved but this two months I've loved more than I've ever done. I've fought for love like I never thought I will. I've stuck it out like I never thought I will. I've changed some things in my life. My MOM ALWAYS TOLD ME LOVE FOR ANYONE WASN'T PERFECT . I never understood what she meant but I do now. It seems like with the beginning of my 18Th year on this earth. God wanted me to experience this things first hand. or how else can I explain this when everything started at exactly 1:10 am August 1st 2009(I will never forget that time)... It seems that God wanted me to know that he understands me more than I can ever think. I'm not saying that I've been doing things according to God's will these months. I'm just saying that although I don't know the path that was laid for me by God, he already knows the sins I will commit and he knew that this emotions were going to come through.

For 2 years I've been holding a lot in. I held in love, tears, happiness, peace and much more. Not anymore though, These two months have taught me to let it all out. No more a prisoner within myself now I'm an eagle with wings ready to soar.

I know what I'm about to say might sound weird but in this is my Therapy. Normally it's the other way round, one needs therapy from this emotional strain but to me this emotional strain is MY THERAPY. I've loved in the dark for too long. I've let people dictate who I'm meant to love and when I'm meant to cry. I've let them tell me when to stop loving and when to start to love again. Guess what? Not anymore I've found my therapy and it feels good to cry sometimes :)

P.S: Jennifer Hudson - 'We gon' fight' my song for October! :)

Insomniac

I'm on a battle field
Brain dead
Body weak
Yet the battle only gets worse
Eyes watering Body motionless
Yet, the insomnia in me wins
I'm an insonmiac...


Okay so its just a short poem
That describes the life I live!
I hope everyone in blogsville is doing good!
I wish I could write much but I have to go...
So
Purple Kiss3s!

I found it!!!!

Wow! I feel like I've been away from blogsville forever!

Summer! Summer! I have been on the road ever since it started so my apologies...I instead started a journal ...

My friends tell me summer is all about relationships, the beach parties, shopping and just sticking to the diva rules! :) Well it has been about that and much more for me. I've reunited with people, lost some and gained some. I've learnt more about life and I seem to get a better perspective everyday!

Through oput this summer, my journal which was originally was just supposed to be a scrap book ended up being the only way I can really explain this summer 2009 to anyone. Every week I have sat down and written whatever has come to mind of the past week. Someway, somehow it has become a series of life events.

Road Trip!

Everyone gets excited

Three teenagers going on a road trip

Such exhilaration!

Freedom indeed!

Lol! but thats how we really felt

For me road trips are a time to reflect on life, a time to just let go and relax!

Well on one of my road trips I did exactly that but this one was different.

I wrote this while on the road trip;

...And I found it

I looked at the trees long enough

And I found it

I don't know how or why

But I found it

I can hear it

What did I find?

I found solitude

I found life and hope

I found tranquility like never before

I really did find it

My heart beats loudly

because I found what I need

I found what I've been searching for

I know now to be like the tree always growing back

To fight hard

Through the hurricanes, rains, earthquakes

I know now to be the protection needed by the world

Yes! I found what I needed for that day

I did find it!

I found it in the trees!

Purple kiss3s

I've been away for a while. I'm sorry I have been going through a phase but I believe I'm fine now. Please bear with me if at the end this post is random. Please understand if somewhere in the middle I digress. Please forgive me if I disappoint you with this post or If you still don't understand what I'm getting at. 'Try to understand my words through the rhythm and not just the concept.'


Who am I? No really who am I?
A question that never seems to be answered. I am who I choose to be. I am a child of God. I am ME. I know these answers but is that really who I am? Or is that just what the world wants me to be?
Sometimes I honestly feel like the world is just too big for me. I feel like I'm gettin lost in a world that grows with every passing day. I find myself never doing anything on impulse anymore because I don't want to be overwhelmed. Everyday I am a new person. A person open to all the challenges and opportunities in life. The only thing that stops me from taking them on is because the decision is mine. Now I'm scared to decide for myself. What if I make the wrong decision? Okay! maybe I'm just crazy thinking all these thoughts. I apologize but it's the work of society.
I've heard so many times that I'm a prisoner of words unsaid. I disagree. I believe I'm a prisoner to the world. I might be a prisoner to words unspoken. The truth is I am bound to the pen and paper till death comes. It's my fault I allowed for words to flow through me. Now sometimes it becomes too much. Sometimes I want the chains to be broken. To the world there is nothing like a happy prison. To me, there seems to be. I might not always be happy when the words flow but I am in my own little cell room.
So who am I? Still an unanswered question. I believe that as the years grow I will understand better. Honestly I want so much out of life. I want the undefinable, unexpectable and much more. I don't have expectations because then nothing will be a surprise. I know though that I will find myself one day. I hate the feeling of loneliness when you have the best people int he world that care about you. I hate the feeling of resignment when you know you can't give up on anyone or anything. I hate heartbreaks, hurt and much more. I hate all this but can't avoid them because the world is made by these things.
I might not know who I am but I know who I choose to be. I choose to be the girl who laughs when she's really hurt. The girl who refuses to fall into a particular stereotype. I choose to be the girl who loves whole heartedly even though she knows she just might get hurt in the end. I choose to be the one who loves without asking for it in return. I choose not to let the world swallow me till all I see is darkness. I choose not to cry even though my insides are nothing but salty tears from the cries I never seem to shed. I choose to keep the tears inside of me because that's another part of me I refuse to let the world take from me.
I'm tired of hearing your cries even though U don't let me hear them. I'm tired of seeing you struggling, I'm tired of hearing stories of hurt and death. I choose to be the girl who loves God because 4 years ago I would have gone crazy but He pulled me through. So I owe him a lot. I owe him this life I live. I owe him gratitude everyday for keeping my family. I love God.
And days like this when I feel like life is throwing everything at me. At times when I feel like the tears are about to pour out of me and flood the world. When I'm sad and I just don't know why I just choose to remain the girl lost.
I'm okay though thats one thing I know. I'll be fine. I'm scared but I'll be fine.

I don't know what this post was about.....

Purple Kiss3s

One week --->Lessons learned

Hi
...It's 1:15 AM and I'm sitting here thinking of what to inform my blogsville world. lol
I learnt a lot since the beginning of my vacation so I decided to share it with you all
Let me first of all note that some might make sense and some just really would not to whoever reads.....

- People move on, people die, life is not constant but that does not mean I would not live my forever till it is my last
- People say I've changed and it made me question myself until I realized I haven't changed I'm just finally coming into my own person I mean for crying out loud people I am not even 21 yet. This is finally me.
- I cant stand when people say I know you so I know what you are thinking. The honest truth is you don't know me. You know what I let you know.
-In life, when it comes to relationships I can't even vouch for my family members or so called friends because when you try to help them in thier relationships and you talk good about them, in the end they are still men or women. They tell you they love whoever but in reality all they really want to do is 'have sex' and this is why I have come to the conclusion that I would not help or plead for anyone in a relationship any longer
- There was a time when being a virgin was what the men wanted. Now, men don't want virgins. Isn't that a bitch? It's amazing how morals sort of go upside down. This leads to my next point
- Men these days are gradually making it hard for girls to remain virgins. It seems that the new rule is a virgin does not deserve any romantic kind of love whatsoever from the opposite sex. This is because once you utter your status they seem to kind of back off.
-There is always that one person who you feel like no matter how much you fall out, no matter how many times they try you, you still care deeply for them.
-Prayer is a very important part of life.
- Be happy everyday, always wake up happy!!!! :) It works wonders for the rest of the day!....

Good night bloggers or rather Good morning!
I hope this few pointers mean something to you like they do to me.

Purple Kiss3s

Music Addicts Anonymous

Hi!

Is there anything wrong when you wake up in the morning and all you want to do is fill your ears with a tune. it doesn't matter just a tune? Is there a problem when every note, every melody begins to sound ALIKE even though they are completely opposite? The truth is its not the notes or melodies that matter it's simply one's perception of things.
My usual greeting to the world goes like this, "Hi Everyone! My name is *blah blah* and I'm a music addict, shopaholic and shoe addict." Yes! I know this is the story of my life! lol! Lately though I'm a bit worried about my addictions. I can't go to sleep without listening to music. In the morning when I wake up thats the first thing I have to do or I'll have a bad day! Basically I have to listen to some kind of music every two hours if I dont I just get so irritated by everything around me. It's so bad that now all the genres of music have blended into one big genre for me. I'm at a point where the music is my life that I'm holding on to so dearly! And don't get me started on my other addictions but I think they can be kept under wraps since the music addiction is the issue lately.
I need to go on craiglist to find a music addict group maybe it will help :(
*************************************************************

A couple of friends and I are going on a vacation for two weeks. I must say this is the highlight of this month because as you all know I havent really been doing too good. I'm excited! time to go shopping, buy more hoes and more cd's! Oops! here I go again talking bout the loves of my life :)
I keep explaining to people that these are the things that keep me sane when everything seems to be falling apart. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Purple Kiss3s

Emotional Rollercoaster

So I thought I knew what I was blogging about but apparently not. I have been away from blogsville for a while. So where to start.
DISCLAIMER: This is a random blog! lol
I've been thinking so much lately so please excuse me if its all a bunch of gibberish if you know what I mean. I lost a friend last week Friday. It has been a tragic experience. I keep asking questions like why. I've cried, laughed, smiled but through it all I'm just numb. I don't know how to feel. Am I supposed to be mourning? Am i to be mad? These are the questions running through my mind. I can't feel nothing. I'm so used to acting strong. As I run around comforting everyone else, I'm breaking down inside. I'm hurting so bad. I did the same thing when my dad died. I was the comforter but no one comforted me. It makes me wonder when I leave this earth who will comfort every other person who is hurting?
I'm so torn at this point I'm literally loosing my mind. I see myself doing things realizing this life is too short. I'm scared... I guess that's a word I never use but I admit I'm scared. Scared for me and the people I love. I cant bear seeing anyone go through pain anymore. It hurts to see everyone tear up. My friend was a good person. He touched the heart of everyone who knew him. I will definitely miss him.

Seconds later.....
U know how they say there is someone and no matter what the person does to you, and no matter how much they hurt u, u cant be mad at them. When they call out for u, u run to be by their side. It's not that u are being a fool it is just that their is a bond, connection that can not be broken between u two. It doesn't matter how many other people you become close to or how many people you are considering building something with, they seem to always pop up and make the difference. I wonder what this is called? Well this is a brief hint into my life and my mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kEJipfru5E&feature=related

I feel free!!!!

I'm at a stage in my life where I am learning to grow.Those who know me will understand. It seems that although my life is not a bed of roses I have taken a lot for granted. Life is amazing. The things that it comes with all just makes one a greater person. Family is something to cherish and I realize everyday that without my family I really would not be who I am. Friends keep you from becoming dependent on family even though in the end family still comes before them.
Lately I have been going through a sort of soul searching period in my life. It's amazing but through this journey two words keep coming back to mind and I feel like they explain everything. LIBERATION AND ELEVATION. (Self Explanatory) What more is there to say? I guess its safe to say I feel free! I know you probably wondering, free from what? But there comes a time in one's life when you just realize that you need to shake everything off and just carry your own weight. No matter how stressful classes, relationships or whatever u going through, just remain happy. It's amazing how I didnt notice that the past 4 years I had let so much stress get to me. I became in the words of Alicia Keys, a prisoner of words unsaid. I became someone I really wasn't. Everyone around me saw it but I never noticed. I was in a sort of solitary confinement within myself if that makes any sense to you. I was not that happy kid anymore instead I pretended to be happy. Finally though I can say that I'm liberated. I honestly feel like im floating! This takes me to my elevation.
To attain a place of elevation one has to have been through and realized that no matter what situation you can get through it. I know everyone is probably thinking I'm goin religious on y'all. The honest truth is we tend to take advantage of things around us. I thought about things in my past and things that have happened of recent. I realized that everything has molded me to this point in my life where I have elevated and can see things others do not see immediately. I can now discern and smile or walk away when there is trouble. God is wonderful in so many ways. I just realized that He directs my steps without me knowing and no matter how many times I cuss at Him or get mad at Him. He still keeps me. He protects me from dangers that I dont even notice. He helps me even when I stray for him. I forget to praise him, I forget to acknowledge him, I get angry sometimes when I have to get up and go to church. Through it all he stands by me and when I think I cant take it anymore He always comes through for me. I wonder why I took all this for granted for so long. I have finally elevated to a point in my life where I am just happy and I can recieve favor on every side.
Well I just thought to share this with you guys...summary of my thoughts that seem to be going haywire lately!

Purple kiss3s

One Night Stand.....

Hi!!!!
It's been a while! I'm fine just living the life of a psychology student! So much papers to write.Well I hope you enjoy...
**************************************************************
The one... *tick* The right One*tick* ...The true one*tick*(Constant phrases in my mind)

Could this really be possible? Have I found you? I'm in a daze! It's all confusing...There seems not to be an explanation for this sudden change of events. In 6 months, ours was a love story made in heaven. I've heard so many times that you have to know the person for years to love them. I disagree. I always felt love was and could not be determined by the spatial existence (time). Two people with cultural clashes, age barriers amongst others. Here is the story of a short but amazing love journey.

It was a cool friday night in the month of September. I had just moved on from a very must I say, disturbing - not worthy to be called relationship. It was time to let loose and party! I had to sashay my booty!.. Being my usual hyper but cool self I decided to hang out at rendevous, everyone knows that club is the heaven! lol. There I met you, we clicked like old time friends and we were talking bout everything from school to life to food!lol! It's wierd now that I think about it, we were at a party but we did not notice any of that. I remember by the end of the night or should I say morning, I gave you a name and it stuck! All my friends actually think that's your real name. We got to my home at 4 a.m and honestly all I wanted to do was crawl in my bed. Instead, you parked outside and we spoke till 5:30. Now I've done so many wierd things with people but not when I'm just meeting you. When we finally parted ways and I crawled in my bed, I was disappointed to realize we did not even exchange numbers. "Oh!What a waste of time!," I thought.


********************************
Should I leave it to your imaginations? Mmmm I wonder! :)

Purple Kisses!

Golden!

Hi bloggers!

So I've been busy, its the final two weeks of the semester and it is so stressful.I've also had some time to think and rethink different things going on in the world around me!

I have decided to ask some questions....I feel like it is easier this way to explain my trail of thoughts.

What is life really about? Is it just about the friends or the family or the dreams one has. Or is it about everything together.
What is really the deal about this life and being on the right path...Yes! right is the 'right' thing to do but how do we even know it is right?
Is it determined by everyone's opinions? Is it determined by what u feel is right? Or is it just determined by whatever luck comes your way? I dont know this answers and there are probably answers I will never know because everyone has thier own ideas.

They say to live life with no complaints and I totally agree but do we really know what to complain about???
Just asking

*I'm living my life like it's golden*

Razzness = Coolness

I'm so excited to be back!!!!

It's like I can get enough of it!...lol



There's this whole thing going on about new york boys that live in miami and it just reminded me of naij



The cool boys and the razz boys!....lol

Now that I think about it It's amazing how some people who are so-called 'razz' leave nigeria to a supposedly 'better country' and then become cool!

and some people just stay razz! No matter how much they try to change it just never happens......I wonder

And some people try too much they end up razz!....lol

In the end I think it's up to whoever to define who they want to be instead of letting others define u!





I'm on facebook chatting with an old time friend!...and It just brings back memories of the primary school days



Young Kids thinking bout playing truth or dare!.....Are u serious??? Wat did we know back then!

It's funny though how this same young kids are now all grown up like me!!!

Even though I'm still young



I must admit that *Jenifa* movie was good ----- random moment!

Question: If our parents spoil us Nigerian kids so much why do we still complain?

Slow....

I read a fellow bloggers post!
and my song 'slow' was on there hence the name of the blog!....lol
P.S: It's not the sexual content of the song that makes it good!...although it might be that a lil ;)
It's when he says 'the other guys just wanna hit' and says your 'shit is the shit' making it seem like he's talking bout something entirely different


By the way, I'm saving till marriage also *Like most girls I believe* so dont think anything of this :)



So It's 6:57 PM and I'm home with a lot of work to do!
But everyone who knows me knows about my addiction to shoes and shopping online*trust me there's nothing better than resting and shopping* lol!
So I'm online looking for the new pair to make my collection since I didnt't buy no shoes in march *a bit odd* I must tell u I have come across some ugly looking things and some great ones.
In the words of my friend, Biso!...
I just had a shoegasm tee hee! love u girlie

Shoes -must have

• Always have black pumps....U can never go wrong when u have some black pumps and in my opinion one is not enough.


• Dont be afraid to try colors


• Always have nude pumps!.....I personally believe that this is a must have.


• Remember shoes can make the whole outfit pop or dull...... the choice is yours


• Never think that just because the outfit doesnt have purple in it you cant wear purple shoes!(and that goes for other colors too)


• Heels! Heels! Heels!
• Booties! I repeat booties! Booties are the new pumps in my opinion


• If You love shoes like I do and u happen to be in yankee!....the stores ----> DSW, Aldo (sometimes), Nordstrom, Macy's (sometimes), If u in miami U already know its BaySide or sawgrass, aventura for the shoes.


• By the way everyone needs to have some kind of sandal flats.........because I know we all do not want to wear heels all the time.

Shoe designers: Vince Camuto, Christian Louboutin amongst others.....above are pictures of some louboutin black pumps and yellow!....and also some vince camuto booties *which I already ordered* :)
Please let me know about any new shoes It'll be greatly appreciated


*purple kisses*

Returning to Blogsville.............

Ok!...I'm back!

It's been almost 6 moths. One of my friends wrote saying she missed me in blogsville and I apologize for putting the blog on the back burner. Sometimes living in Miami makes you forget the other important things you love even when you dont want too.....There are just so many distractions ;p ...................

It's just crazy!!!!.....lol

I've being going through people's blogs and the question that comes to mind is what is going on in blogsville these days!!!

The whole ggn for example and the gossipboy naija???.....I'm sorry but whoever did that must be gay!

People will definitely agree with me!...Why will a boy think of putting himself through such torture?.....lmao

I think focusing on gossip is just not relevant at the stage I'm in rite now

what happens after the gist???.....then......Thats the question I always ask!

Yes!...I know I'm weird every girl loves gossip!.....really guys??? I dont think so!

Don't get me wrong If your ass isn't dressing cute I probably will put u out there!...I cant stand when people just dont try to put themselves together.

Ladies!Men!.....Young Boys and girls!!!....Even if you are a naturally ugly person....lol... lol!......at least try to dress in a good manner, Ladies get your weave *oops* hair done! , Young fellas who like to be called grown ass men *which I find very amusing* dress like grown ass men then. All them baggy clothes just dont cut it I think we all should know that and extra skinny jeans does not cut it for u guys also!

I feel like this is a new beginning!!!!

Who feels me???

P.S: For those who understand It's not about my poems or the traumas of life *so pathetic i know* but let's save that for another time

*Purple Kiss3s*

Dream world...........

So I was listening to Robin Thicke's Dream world....It's a good song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utYiUCjyaY0

Today has been on the eventful side. I've seen people at school all trying to achieve their dream of a career. Everyone is trying to be focused and has an idea of where they want to go in life but people always forget that the road would not always be perfect. So many unanswered questions have been running through my mind so I thought I'll share them with you.

What happens?
When against all odds victory is still not seen?
When one forgets their dream or purpose?

What is..........
The essence of living with nothing to be accomplished?
The difference between living and live in?
I've wondered ever since my thinking years, why do people live the way they do? What are the basis for most principles people lay for themselves? Why do people have goals that in a million years might look impossible to accomplish. Some people say faith goes a long way. It gives courage to the weakened heart, the desolate people and even those who are expected to have given up. It's belief in oneself and other people's belief in you that counts.

Some people say love helps people move on when it looks like everything is shattered, when they realize they have nothing but a deterred dream. It is the feeling that people still care that keep them going on.

This is something to think about when dreaming. I think one can prepare and keep reminding themselves that regardless of anything that might happen they still have a goal to achieve.

Purple Kiss3s!