I've been away for a while. I'm sorry I have been going through a phase but I believe I'm fine now. Please bear with me if at the end this post is random. Please understand if somewhere in the middle I digress. Please forgive me if I disappoint you with this post or If you still don't understand what I'm getting at. 'Try to understand my words through the rhythm and not just the concept.'


Who am I? No really who am I?
A question that never seems to be answered. I am who I choose to be. I am a child of God. I am ME. I know these answers but is that really who I am? Or is that just what the world wants me to be?
Sometimes I honestly feel like the world is just too big for me. I feel like I'm gettin lost in a world that grows with every passing day. I find myself never doing anything on impulse anymore because I don't want to be overwhelmed. Everyday I am a new person. A person open to all the challenges and opportunities in life. The only thing that stops me from taking them on is because the decision is mine. Now I'm scared to decide for myself. What if I make the wrong decision? Okay! maybe I'm just crazy thinking all these thoughts. I apologize but it's the work of society.
I've heard so many times that I'm a prisoner of words unsaid. I disagree. I believe I'm a prisoner to the world. I might be a prisoner to words unspoken. The truth is I am bound to the pen and paper till death comes. It's my fault I allowed for words to flow through me. Now sometimes it becomes too much. Sometimes I want the chains to be broken. To the world there is nothing like a happy prison. To me, there seems to be. I might not always be happy when the words flow but I am in my own little cell room.
So who am I? Still an unanswered question. I believe that as the years grow I will understand better. Honestly I want so much out of life. I want the undefinable, unexpectable and much more. I don't have expectations because then nothing will be a surprise. I know though that I will find myself one day. I hate the feeling of loneliness when you have the best people int he world that care about you. I hate the feeling of resignment when you know you can't give up on anyone or anything. I hate heartbreaks, hurt and much more. I hate all this but can't avoid them because the world is made by these things.
I might not know who I am but I know who I choose to be. I choose to be the girl who laughs when she's really hurt. The girl who refuses to fall into a particular stereotype. I choose to be the girl who loves whole heartedly even though she knows she just might get hurt in the end. I choose to be the one who loves without asking for it in return. I choose not to let the world swallow me till all I see is darkness. I choose not to cry even though my insides are nothing but salty tears from the cries I never seem to shed. I choose to keep the tears inside of me because that's another part of me I refuse to let the world take from me.
I'm tired of hearing your cries even though U don't let me hear them. I'm tired of seeing you struggling, I'm tired of hearing stories of hurt and death. I choose to be the girl who loves God because 4 years ago I would have gone crazy but He pulled me through. So I owe him a lot. I owe him this life I live. I owe him gratitude everyday for keeping my family. I love God.
And days like this when I feel like life is throwing everything at me. At times when I feel like the tears are about to pour out of me and flood the world. When I'm sad and I just don't know why I just choose to remain the girl lost.
I'm okay though thats one thing I know. I'll be fine. I'm scared but I'll be fine.

I don't know what this post was about.....

Purple Kiss3s